saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
