i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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