Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
