Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I party with great urgency now.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
