She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
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i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
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You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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