God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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