i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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