the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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