It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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