did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
