party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
