Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
