my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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