i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
