I think I won the penis lottery.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I need water and some morals
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
