so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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