He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
