It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
