if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
