Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
please don't ironically join a cult
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