bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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