her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
