I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
