we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
