I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The adults are the big ones right?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
