This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Randomize
