were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
