I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
