Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
