this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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