I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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