This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
