So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
