I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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