i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my sisters under your porch take her home
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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