I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize