He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
