We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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