your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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