I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
