The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
