also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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