I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
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There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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