I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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