4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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