Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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