You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
is that a dick in a sweater?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
