I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
