Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
