I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
