Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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