one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
