It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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