Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
