I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
