This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
