If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
