Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
