I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize