Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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